There Is Another Way Through the Noise
A letter to Sam Baker — and to everyone in midlife+ feeling the pull to shrink yourself again.
This piece is written in response to writer Sam Baker’s powerful recent essay about the relentless “noise” about using GLP-1s, especially for us in midlife+ — the food noise, the body and belly noise, the siren song of quick fixes. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend starting here.
Dear Sam,
I’ve been thinking about your words (and those in the comment section!) ever since I read them. Many of my clients forwarded your piece to me, saying this is precisely how they are feeling right now. The way you described the noise. That constant, exhausting inner chatter about bodies, weight, and control felt like someone had cracked open what I hear from so many clients’ internal monologues and put it on the page. I know that noise. I’ve been working in the eating disorder field for 40 years. And I know very well how it gets louder in midlife, how it sneaks back in even when you thought you’d outgrown it, how it tempts you with promises of ease if only you could fix your changing body one last time. That’s precisely why I wrote my first book, Unapologetic Aging.
I also know the shame that can follow close behind. The part of us that scolds, “I should be past this by now. I should know better.” But the truth is, none of us are immune. Even with years of work and awareness behind us, we’re still swimming in a culture that profits from our self-doubt, especially about our bodies. It’s not a personal failure when the noise turns up again. It’s a sign of just how deeply the messaging has taken hold and how constant it has become.
I wanted to write back, not to disagree with a single thing you wrote, but to add to the conversation you so honestly began. Because I believe there’s another way to live with our changing bodies. One that doesn’t demand silence or control, but invites us to listen for what’s beneath the noise and relate to our bodies differently.
My Story — and My Privilege
Like you, I gained weight during menopause. And I’ll be honest: it rattled me. My clothes fit differently. My reflection felt unfamiliar. And there were days I’d look at my closet, or at old photos, and long for the body I once had. I’ve had moments, more than I care to admit, when I wondered if I should “work on” my body, try something that promised to hand me back the version of my body I used to know. I’m grateful that my work strengthens my capacity to acknowledge these thoughts and then let them go.
And I need to say this clearly: I live in a straight-sized body. Even with those changes, I still move through a world that accommodates me. I can find clothes in most stores. I don’t face bias or stigma in a doctor’s office. People don’t make assumptions about my health or my worth because of my size. The noise I experience, though real and painful, is softened by that privilege. And that matters because the conversation changes drastically when the world is actively hostile to your body.
Naming that is part of the work. It’s part of how we begin to untangle ourselves from our body shame by acknowledging not just our own experiences, but the oppressive systems that shape them. And by recognizing that for many of us, this isn’t just about inner noise. It’s about external barriers, discrimination, harmful weight stigma, and exclusion layered on top of our shame and causing damage.
Also, GLP-1s Can Be Life-Changing
Before I go any further, I want to make a clear statement: GLP-1 medications can be life-saving for many people. They are an important medical advancement for those living with diabetes, insulin resistance, and other metabolic conditions. For many, these medications offer not just improved physical health but freedom from pain, from stigma, from barriers that have shaped their lives for years.
I don’t ever want to dismiss or diminish that reality. The conversation I’m trying to have here isn’t about those cases. It’s about the rest of us. The many women, like me and like you, who are not dealing with medical conditions but still feel the relentless cultural pressure to shrink. It’s about the way diet culture co-opts even legitimate medical tools and turns them into the next promise of “fixing” bodies that were never broken.
We can hold both truths at once: that these drugs can be transformative and necessary and that the cultural obsession with thinness uses them as fuel for our body shame. Recognizing that dual reality is part of the nuance we so badly need in this conversation.
And We Have to Talk About Ageism
There’s another truth we can’t leave out of this conversation: ageism is a powerful undercurrent in all of this. The pressure to shrink, to “fix,” to reverse what is natural isn’t just about weight — it’s about fear of aging. We live in a culture that idolizes young, thin bodies and treats aging women as if they are slowly fading from relevance. That message is everywhere: in the anti-aging creams, the “menopause makeovers,” the jokes about being “invisible” after fifty. And it’s no accident that the rise of drugs like GLP-1s coincides with this fear of aging, because they’re not just marketed as tools for health. They’re sold as ways to look younger, tighter, smaller, and more acceptable. Heck, they are advertising micro-dosing GLP-1s to “treat” menopause, and I don’t think that’s about our health. Weight Watchers’ new Menopause Program, which utilizes GLP-1s, is the most obvious example.
Ageism tells us that the softening of our bodies, the loosening of skin, and the expansion of our waists are signs of decline rather than signs of life. It tells us that we must fight these changes rather than honor them. And it keeps us locked in a cycle of striving because striving sells.
But what if aging isn’t something to battle at all? What if it’s something to embody fully, powerfully, unapologetically, joyfully? When we begin to challenge ageism in the media, in medicine, and in our own minds and mirrors, we loosen the grip of shame. And the noise starts to lose some of its power.
A Different Way to Listen
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: we’re not meant to “win” a battle against our bodies. Our bodies are not enemies to subdue. Our bodies are our life companions, evolving and responsive, and they’re meant to change. Body changes in menopause aren’t a personal failure. It’s a transition. And the softness, the new shape, the shifting weight — they’re not proof that we’ve let ourselves go. These changes are evidence that we’re alive and our bodies do an amazing job of protecting us and preparing us for the challenges our aging bodies will face.
So instead of trying to mute the noise completely (which, let’s be honest, may never happen 100%), I try to listen differently. Beneath the chatter about jeans and scales and “just one jab,” there’s almost always something deeper. A longing for ease. A desire for confidence and being seen. Wanting to belong. Not wanting to be left out or irrelevant. A craving to feel safe and protected from the losses that accompany us in midlife+. Wanting to hold onto the power granted by patriarchy, we feel slipping through our fingers. Those things are real. But they don’t require us to shrink. They require us to shift where we place our worth. They require us to disentangle from old systems that were never meant to serve us.
I don’t mean to make this sound simple. It’s not. It’s daily work. It’s choosing to stop chasing the “before” body and instead root ourselves in the one we have now. It’s grieving what’s gone, yes. But also celebrating what’s here: the body that’s carried us through decades of living, adapting, healing, evolving, and surviving. The body that still deserves joy, comfort, and pleasure exactly as it is.
So when that whisper comes, “just a little jab”, try to pause and ask: What is it I’m really longing for? It’s seldom the number on a tag or the size of a waistband. It’s usually something bigger, deeper, truer. And the most liberating thing I’ve learned is that those things are available to me right now. In this body. Without shrinking a single ounce.
Practices for Listening Beneath the Noise
If the noise feels relentless — if it still tugs at you even when you know better — you’re not alone. The point isn’t to silence it overnight. It’s to slowly build a new relationship with it. Here are a few gentle practices that have helped me (and many women I work with) begin to live more peacefully in our changing bodies:
1. Name the Noise Out Loud
The next time the “just lose a few pounds” voice shows up, try naming it for what it is: internalized ageism, diet culture, perfectionism, not truth. Sometimes just saying, “Ah, that old story is here again” is enough to loosen its hold. You might even give it a name or personality (“the Critic,” “Diet-culture Donna”) to create some distance between you and it.
2. Shift the Question
Instead of asking, “How can I lose weight?” try asking, “What am I really longing for right now?” It might be comfort, security, energy, or confidence. Then explore ways to meet that need that have nothing to do with shrinking yourself. This one small shift builds self-trust and starts to dissolve the illusion that losing weight is the only path to feeling better.
3. Reclaim Pleasure and Nourishment
Make one small choice each day that’s rooted in pleasure, not punishment. A food you genuinely enjoy, a walk or dancing because it feels good (not because you “should”), a soft sweater that feels cozy. Applying lotion to your skin, in the spirit of caring for yourself, that feels and smells heavenly. These small acts remind your body (and your brain) that you and your body deserve care and kindness right now, not just “after” you’ve changed it.
4. Curate Your Inputs
We can’t control every image or message we see, but we can shape our environment. Unfollow or mute accounts that fuel comparison and make you feel like you are not enough or “doing it” wrong. Follow voices that celebrate aging bodies (and not just the super-agers and fitness gurus), softness, strength, and change. Fill your feed, and your real life, with examples of people living fully and joyfully in all kinds of bodies, especially bodies like yours. It matters more than you think.
5. Practice Tender Curiosity
When you catch yourself critiquing your body, pause and place a hand over the part you’re judging, if possible. If this feels like too much, that’s okay, maybe another time. Try having the conversation with yourself. Gently ask, “What story does this part hold? What has it carried me through?” It’s a small act, but over time, curiosity can dissolve shame and build connection and care where criticism once lived.
These practices aren’t about fixing yourself. They’re about returning to yourself. They’re daily, ongoing ways to step off the hamster wheel of self-improvement and into a gentler, more truthful relationship with your body. One that honors the life your body has lived and the wisdom it carries.
Thank you, Sam, for saying the quiet part out loud and for giving us permission to talk about the noise instead of hiding from it. My hope for both of us, for all of us, is that we can start to build lives where the noise matters less and the deeper voice beneath it finally gets heard.
With so much respect and solidarity,
Deb
Just found your Substack and weight/body image has always been a part of my life in so many ways, so I've read through all of your posts. Briefly, I was bulimic in my 20s, but trained as a fitness instructor on my 30s and worked in the industry until the age of 61. I 'watched' what I ate for decades and was very slim and fit. At 68, I'm softer, a lot less fit and a little heavier. I live on a narrow boat + we have a campervan, so I live an active life a little outside the norm. My daughter is using Wegovy (she wants to be thin) and I was a little tempted as I'd like to lose maybe 3 kgs, but the temptation soon passed. I feel my weight and age are truly the least interesting things in my life and I just want to travel and embrace everything I can, everywhere we go! Living a slightly alternative lifestyle means I'm outside the loop of clothes, skincare etc...I'm much more interested in technical clothes for hiking and I'm determined to stay as active and healthy as I can. Getting older is certainly interesting!
Karen
So beautifully stated!!! 🩷 the longing, the looming thoughts of irrelevance, the realization that the power once granted by the patriarchy is moving on to younger and thinner bodies
whew
Thank you for this!